08-08-2006, 10:43 PM
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Love the Body You Have
Keep your inner critic from overreacting to what you see in the mirror
by Megan Othersen Gorman
| |  | Have you ever wished you had a mirror like Snow White's wicked stepmother's--one that would flatter you every morning by telling you that you're "the fairest in the land"? Instead, yours criticizes your big thighs, nonexistent waist, or flat chest. Dissatisfaction with our bodies is so pervasive--even among normal-weight women--that scientists have coined a name for it: "normative discontent."
"Many of us suffer from distorted body images; we just don't see ourselves realistically," says Stacey Tantleff-Dunn, PhD, who studies body image and eating behaviors at the University of Central Florida. "As your own worst critic, you are more likely to focus on self-perceived flaws than anyone else is."
How do you keep your inner critic from overreacting to what you see in the mirror? Here's what body image experts say:
1. Stop dissing yourself. "If you're constantly telling yourself that you look fat or you're unattractive in some way, you will feel bad about yourself," says Tantleff-Dunn, coauthor of Exacting Beauty. Next time you look at your reflection, be conscious of your self-criticism. "Then ask yourself, 'Would I say these things to a friend?'" she says. If not, then don't be so hard on yourself either.
2. Don't compare yourself to Kate Moss. A study from the University of Toronto found that when women looked at magazine ads featuring models, their self-esteem dropped like a lead sinker. Remind yourself that fashion models and beauty pageant contestants are unnaturally thin. In fact, when researchers calculated the body mass index of all Miss Americas from 1921 to 2002, as many as 26 percent met the World Health Organization's classification of "undernourished." Not the look you're going for.
3. Focus on how your body feels rather than how it looks. Take a yoga class; ask your partner or a neighbor to walk with you every night; learn salsa dancing. "As you begin to enjoy your body through yoga, walking, running, or whatever gives you enjoyment," says Tantleff-Dunn, "you'll find it harder to stay at war with your physical being." Bonus how-to: You won't be able to protest "I don't have the time" if you make a pie chart of how you spend time each day, then cut a slice (from TV watching, for example) to take a 30-minute walk, says Ann Kearney-Cooke, PhD, director of the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute.
4. List all your assets. Alone or with the help of the people who know you best, list 5 to 10 of your good qualities--great sense of humor, smart, a good friend, kind to animals--and repeat them to yourself whenever you think that you're "ugly" or "too fat." "There is more to you than how you look," says Tantleff-Dunn. "Don't overemphasize the importance of your appearance and underestimate the value of all of your assets."
5. Live your life. Have you ever put off something you really wanted to do because you feared how you'd look to other people? Life is too short to postpone a single minute of it. Don't.
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