I have been struggling with binge eating for decades. It's something that is done secretly and out of rebellion when I have strict rules or promises to myself to lose weight. This thread is about recognizing binge eating which is different from emotional eating. Enough of hiding and enough of fighting "the monster."

These are the behaviors of binge eating and I have had all of them at different points in my life.

By C. Rodell, RD.

Does your eating style create physical discomfort? Does it involve self-denial and self-sacrifice? Does you eating style keep you wrapped up in attempting to resolve your weight (perpetual dieting) rather than standing up and claiming your right to have what you want? Maybe you can begin to identify your own pattern from one of the suggestions below?

1. Perhaps you have decided that you must be a pleasure-denier? Eating without sitting down. Eating unconsciously. Eating with guilt. Gulping down food in a hurry and always eating on the run. There's no time in this world for your needs and you do not rank as a priority in your life. Your life and your needs do not exist or are not as valuable as someone else's. To be self-centered is viewed as being selfish.

2. Do you binge in private? Not allowing anyone to see you having pleasurable foods? Having to sneak your pleasure in the dark? In a trance-like state, eating foods you don't want anyone to know you eat . . . in volumes you don't want anyone to know you want. You eat quickly, not wanting to get caught. The irony is that you're not really enjoying the food, you're not really hungry. It's usually a time we can be alone, with all your wants and desires. It is a time we don't have to pretend to be capable, competent, pleasant, likeable, strong, and without needs. It is a time to be entirely self-centered, where you don't have to take care of the needs of anyone else and can focus completely on yourself.

3. Do you deny yourself energy / food (forgetting to eat breakfast and lunch) throughout the day then attempt to provide yourself with as much pleasure as you can quickly get in the evening? Choosing to feel guilty afterward, once again denying yourself the pleasure of having what you want? Compulsive overeating is characterized by uncontrollable eating and consequent weight gain. Compulsive overeaters use food as a way to cope with stress, emotional conflicts and daily problems. The food can block out feelings and emotions. Does your eating style numb out your inner voice, your inner truth, your right to accept pleasure?

4. Do you restrict food entirely - denying yourself the energy needed for life? Perhaps leaning more towards anorexia. Never allowing yourself to be hungry. Hunger, your human need, stands for every need you have in life. Meaning, you have no needs. You are above being human. While underneath feeling you have no worthiness as a person. By denying your needs you deny your worthiness as a person. An attempt to be void, be empty. To say, "I deserve nothing." While at the same time playing a game of superiority saying, "I don't need anything." Hunger, and having needs, is part of being alive.

5. Do you hoard energy - holding onto as much energy (food and fat) as you can, not feeling safe without it? Keeping weight on your body as a way not to be too powerful, too sexually attractive, too alive, too authentic and real? Not trusting your self if you were thin. In this eating style, the subconscious fears becoming thin. Whether the fears are of starvation, sexuality, a new job situation, dating and relationships, career choices, family issues or just life itself, the weight may be serving the purpose of insulating you from those fears, from feeling, and thus avoiding personal growth and change.

6. Are you bulimic - somehow sensing it is your birth right to be powerful and have what you want, but also in conflict about your needs? Indulging in huge amounts of energy (food) but then raging and throwing up what you aren't allowed to have? Bulimics are usually people that do not feel secure about their own self worth. They usually strive for the approval of others. They tend to do whatever they can to please others, while hiding their own feelings. Food becomes their only source of comfort - but even that is not allowed.

7. Unconscious eater - Have you ever been nibbling on something for some time before you realize that you are actually eating? Have you had someone ask you, "Hey what are you eating or what did you have for dinner", and you couldn't tell them? Do you find yourself nibbling on food constantly while you are working, driving, talking on the phone, or watching TV without even thinking about what you are eating. Do you heap mounds of food on your plate? Do you put another bite into your mouth before finishing the last one? What are your fears? Are you allowed to have what you want? Can you fill up with enough? Can you sit down and accept all of what you need and deserve on one plate?

I see this thread as a safe place to talk about binges, to support each other, and to learn to stop bingeing. I tried Debbie's "eats'' thread that made me binge like there was no tomorrow because I wanted to "eat right" and "be good." That thread triggered me big time. Well, here I am going to post whatever comes to my mouth, like a neutral observer without any judgment.

Being a binge eater is like being an alcoholic. I notice that people talk a lot about a hangover, or "the morning after" the binge, about feeling bloated and sick, but almost never about the actual binge... even in blogs it remains a dark secret.

Dark secrets die when the light is shone on them. Time to face the monster.

i look forward to reading this fully later today. i def have the binge thing down, but i don't do the deprivation side too much, still tend to binge out of rebellion and as an awkward and deficient way of self care...

will come back later today to read up!

I suspect that doing the walking challenge every day helped me shift my thinking finally about the binge eating. If I can stay on track with exercise for 9 days, I can stay on track without binge eating for at least 9 days.

Before I would exercise 3-4 days in the row and then take a break for two-three days and just lay on the couch watching TV. Or eat well during the week only to overeat on weekends.

The last binge was last night on fruit and whole wheat bread. I ate tons of cherries and pears, three slices of bread and some watermelon. A lot. It's possible to binge on healthy foods as you said Debbie.

My thinking was that it's just water, the fruit, and there is nothing wrong with eating cherries.. but the quantity was too much and at the end I did not even feel the taste of pears and watermelon. It was mostly automatic.

This morning I fought a thought about skipping eating for the whole day altogether and had a normal breakfast. I am still hurting from the last night binge.

I think I will resurrect Matt's thread on night time eating. He struggled with binge eating big time and there were some good ideas in the thread.

Day one without a binge is complete. I think I was lacking protein in diet.
Note to myself about buying some organic turkey for "happy" hormone.

Almost 8 PM. I feel stressed and anxious because of work and there is the familiar pull to stuff feelings with food. Writing it down and seeing that it's not hunger related and hoping to avoid bingeing.

I clicked on people's profiles on the Stop the binge eating thread and almost all of the gone from the site. I wonder how they are doing...

Originally Posted by Tatiana

Almost 8 PM. I feel stressed and anxious because of work and there is the familiar pull to stuff feelings with food. Writing it down and seeing that it's not hunger related and hoping to avoid bingeing.

I clicked on people's profiles on the Stop the binge eating thread and almost all of the gone from the site. I wonder how they are doing...

good luck tonight T! Am going to bed over here. have found that i haven't binged the last few nights bit am snacking a bit heavy. trying to tone it down and take out the big out of control factor. feels good. glad to see you writing it down!

Thank you Debbie. I did not binge last night, in fact, I went to bed hungry. And I felt great in the morning, light and not sick or bloated.

Today is day three without a binge. Although I had tons of fruit but not to the point when I felt pain in stomach (which usually how the binges stop, the pain is too much to continue shoving food in).

Walking 5 miles every day - I think that's the key to start working on eliminating binges. It's a synergy effect. One change leads to another.

Not so well... Discovered that I can binge on edamame. Last night I just had too much, again saying that it was a healthy snack only it became a giant meal. Damn that Costco where my husband shops. This morning it's only physical discomfort, very minor. I would not consider it a binge though.

I wonder if people who buy produce in bulk struggle with eating more than they should.

Originally Posted by Tatiana

Not so well... Discovered that I can binge on edamame. Last night I just had too much, again saying that it was a healthy snack only it became a giant meal. Damn that Costco where my husband shops. This morning it's only physical discomfort, very minor. I would not consider it a binge though.

I wonder if people who buy produce in bulk struggle with eating more than they should.

There was just an article on that very thing - buying from Costco can mean eating too much! The more you have the more there is too eat. I can go overboard on edamame as well. They are so nutritious but also that snacky kind of feel can make me eat too many...

Also, as to buying in bulk, I know I don't like to waste food. If it's here I can feel like I HAVE to eat it. I read something once about not treating yourself as the garbage can - meaning it's ok to throw food away off your plate when you are full. Or for moms, not to graze off the kid's leftovers...