Hi Everyone! I have been avoiding this site because first, I thought I had the binge eating under control, and then I was starting to binge eat and got embarrassed to tell you. So, yes, I can admit it that I am not perfect and I do suffer from binge eating....still.

I have been snacking on a lot of chips, some cookies, festive treats, stuff like that. I have been trying to limit them because of my diabetes and I didn't want to create a sugar spike. Well, I didn't even test for 4 days because I was so scared my glucose would be up. Yesterday tho, it was surprisingly normal.

I am still battling with the binging and I felt the best way to deal with it AFTERWARDS was to go for a walk because the damage was already done so it was doing me no good feeling badly and sorry I had done it. I walked everyday even if I was eating poorly, which is something abnormal for me. The first thing that happens to me when I binge eat is that I get that feeling that says, "Well, you've already screwed up you should just go and eat everything you want...you can skip walking today...it's ok". Well, I REALLY had to push myself to walk because I just felt like I wanted to go to sleep. Yesterday, I noticed that I was depressed and moody. I felt myself reaching for foods that would make me happier momentarily and then I was feeling awful for eating them.

With the economy the way it is, and my life being so seemingly hopeless sometimes raising a child with emotional disturbances, and emotional issues, I get so overwhelmed. My way of dealing with the uncontrollableness of it all is to eat. I can't do anything else it seems, so eating tastes good and makes me feel good...for the moment. I am learning things about myself and the walking makes me feel better...and for longer than the eating pumpkin cakes, cookies, whatever does. And no Tatiana, I still haven't blown it at Starbucks hahaha. It's those stupid Little Debbies Pumpkin Face things. I bought some because they are festive thinking I wouldn't eat them. I thought they'd be festive for the family. It's interesting how I just related something here for me. I equate food with festivity. Hmmmmm. Or is it just pumpkin treats are that much of an irrestible thing for me. I will have to think about it.

Stacey - sounds like you've alot of stress in your life. Are you part of a support group to help you deal with your child? Just someone to talk to when things get rough and you feel really drained, might help prevent a binge. And if you're diabetic, you should be checking your blood sugar level regularly, especially if you've had a binge. It's dangerous not to. If you find your levels spike too high after a binge, then you need to go to your doctor to talk about this. It's not safe for anyone with diabetes to ignore their blood sugar level when it spikes.

Stacey... if you find a support group, phone me, cuz I've yet to find ANYONE (besides you) who can relate... even when I have gotten a chance to go out to try a support group on for size (which was way rare when d was younger) they just had NO IDEA, I mean, yeah, a bit, but not like d. Talking to you was awesome... almost better than ice cream. Better than all the other foods, though

I kinda feel that way... not so much now that d is older, but eating was something pleasurable that I could do WHILE caring for d and handling all the issues, school, etc... eating is ACCEPTABLE in society, and you can do it anywhere... and with time and energy at such a premium... food was my drug of choice.

hey all!
sorry to have been mia from here. just was letting the binging thing be while i finished my pregnancy and got my lil guy here. now it's on to this again. am really being tested with lack of sleep being such a huge a trigger...
want to go back and read the thread and have such little time. i'll try and keep up from here.

hugs,
deb

Heya Debbie!!!! Great to see you back girlie. How're you doing? And how's your baby doing?

yeah, lack of sleep... then ya want that sugar rush to make it throught the slump, then ya crash, more sugar, bigger crash.... etc

hope you get a good sleeper (I had 2 out of 3 who slept) so that this stage will be temporary... and hopefully hubby can take over a few hours in the evening so you can nap

How to lose 17 pounds in two months and then gain all those pounds back in two months.. the sad story of my yo yo dieting.

TODAY I WILL NOT BINGE.

I still can't walk. There is too much scarring tissue to let my achilles to heal. After almost two months of physical therapy and no walking.

I HATE biking.

I sound kind of weepy and redundant at the same time. Complaining, complaining, complaining. Victim's mentality and bingeing go hand to hand.

A week ago I caved and tried a diet pill, half of it. Heart racing, sweating, and foul mood were the only result I got from it.

I had to stop therapy as I need to find a specialist in eating disorders rather than a general therapist.

Anyway, have been avoiding the site for a week now and just checking in.

Can relate to everyone on here.

I am sorry about Kama's loss... I hope she is not bingeing and is getting a lot of support and self-care.

Hey Tatiana, really sorry to hear you so down like this. Sounds like you've hit a bit of a slump. I know how annoying it can be to hear people say "snap out of it", so I'm not going to do that. You've enough on your plate at the moment. Maybe you should just ride this one out.... emotionally, things will level out after a bit of time and you'll start to feel better and feel less inclined to binge. From what I have read... you cant ever "cure" binging, but you can get a handle on it with the occasional slip up. If you can afford a therapist to talk to about this and get help, then you know this is the best thing for you. I'm trying to take your advice and contact the college counsellor, but I'm finding it so hard to pluck up the courage to make the call. I know it sounds stupid, but I dont think I'm ready to deal with my bulimia yet. It's like, if I lose it, what can I obsess about then. Really sad, and really stupid, I know.

Hope you feel better soon girlie.

Little flower... don't worry about something else to obsess on... let me tell ya! If you don't deal with the underlying cause.... there are plenty of other addictions out there.... moral of the story... DON'T transfer addictions... as I did... find some healthy outlets, and deal with the emotions that come up one at a time... they are difficult, but necessary

Tatiana... sorry about your troubles... sounds like the not walking has really thrown you. Kind of a way that you defined your life, now gone... it's going to take more than a few days/weeks to readjust. Cut yourself some slack. Maybe you can find one nice thing per day to do for yourself, then build up.

Take care of yourself!