Originally Posted by FiestyKitty Kama

really fighting the urge today, got possible bad news about my dad.

You can do it hun, drink lots of water - chew on some gum. Call a friend. Blog down your feelings as they come to you... you have come so far - 5 days, you can do it again today!

Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions! Just telling someone about it took a lot of the power out of it for me and I was able to get through it. I did drink a lot of water but the down side was that I woke up every couple hours to go to the bathroom. However, no binge hangover and no remorse, that is worth so much.

Heather - congrats on avoiding a binge. It's tough when there's so much stress. Oh and I hear ya about the getting up to the bathroom. I must have gotten up 4 times last night. I drank 1 litre of water before bed because I wanted to binge. But I look at having to get up so often as a good thing. Everytime you get up, you're flushing toxins out of your body. So in a way, you may be losing a bit of sleep, but on the flip side your body is just that little bit healthier!!!

Angel - 7 days is fantastic! You deserve that spa treatment. Well done girlie!!!

Kama - how did you do yesterday? How's your Dad... did you go in to see him yet? I'll be thinking of you and your Dad today girlie.

Well, I fell down hard last night. Back to scratch now.

I was all by myself last night. Nowhere to go. No one around. No one was answering my texts. So I ordered pizza (medium veggi with thick crust), with wedges and icecream and washed it down with 2 bottles of whte wine.

Woke up this morning and I feel ok actually. I ended up finishing the tub of icecream. There was half left and I finished it sitting on the couch, watching the Golden Girls on tv.

Yesterday was rough. I went into town to do a bit of shopping and it just hit me out of the blue. I got really sad all of a sudden and actually almost started cryng on the bus. I went into town only to get anothe bus out of town and go home. I kept myself together until I got back to my house and then I just sat on the couch and cried for almost an hour. I dont know what came over me. Then Dad phoned for our weekly chat and that did make me feel a bit better. But then later in the evening I binged BIG time (I dont do anything in halves!!!).

Suppose I just have to pick myself up and get going again. I just feel really fat and horrible right now. I didnt tell ye this, but I went back to my old bulimic ways the past 2 weeks.... I'm ashamed to say it because I havent taken anything since March. But I did for the last 2 weeks. Havent yet today though. Then again, it's only 10am.

Hi all,

It's back to square one for me. The bingeing was so bad that I went to see a therapist and told her that I simply can't go back home because I have nothing in place to stop the bingeing. We talked about things I can do... most of my weapons to stop binge are related to physical activities - walking, hiking, and doing yoga. I can't do anything because of limitations. Another thing we discovered (we worked on the WHY) was that I hate to exercise in the gym or even on my bike in the basement.

And talk about a confused identity! My world was mapped for walking. I was a walker. I knew how long it takes to walk to the gym, store, work, theater, park, etc. I am lost and confused because now I have to think in terms of driving if I want to get to any place. We only have one car now as downtown living and walking everywhere (me) convinced us to get rid of a second car.

I hate driving in downtown!!!GRRRR!!!! Traffic is awful, I panic, I make mistakes. I felt so safe walking. So I have to adjust to driving and remap my world, find out routes and parking (another pain in the a**s, in downtown.

I am an outdoor person. I feel trapped and I feel that it's so unfair that I can't even go to my favorite park that is only three block from my house. Hence I intensely resent any idea about gym, swimming, and doing exercise at home. I need to be outside moving. I need to see the trees, the sky, sun, and move, move, move.

Feeling of being trapped and the unfairness of severe limitations, anger and despair, those things lead to bingeing.

Yesterday I went for a slow walk with my husband and felt better. I did not binge. Today we take our bikes (I got a bike!!!) on a trail. I have to get out.

My ankles hurt less, thanks to not walking. I am afraid to weigh myself because I feel so gross and fat in all the places. I have some hope. Talking with a therapist helped. I have very specific tasks to deal with. Learn to bike, drive in downtown, drive to parks to be outside, and find something to be grateful for. At least I still have my feet and they ARE getting better.

I am not done yet!

Little Flower, I am sorry. I am sorry I wasn't here and in my depression I kind of gave up on this thread because I couldn't help myself and I couldn't really help anyone who posts on the binge thread.

I read every post of yours and I noticed how desperate you were on going to bed hungry, drinking tons of water, and counting days. The intensity of fighting the real hunger with drinking water and bulimic methods was very, very noticeable. I suspected that the crush was near. The main thing about bulimia and bingeing, and anorexic behaviors is maintaining control by any means.

I played this game too. Bingeing and then exercising two hours to burn calories. Bingeing one day and going hungry for the next two days. Fighting my body natural hunger and wearing it down by workouts without proper fueling. And failing all the time. I too noticed that none of the methods lead to weight loss. For us, people with a long, long history of abusing bodies, weight loss is stalled. Our bodies are so resilient and stubborn, they learn to hold onto the weight for dear life. The bodies don't trust us that we will feed them when we are hungry or give proper fuel for workouts.

I wish I knew the magic answer to everything. I don't. I can only observe, learn, try, and keep going.

So let's keep going, ok? We can do it. We can learn to respect our bodies and treat ourselves with love and care.

Hi all.
To answer your questions about dad. Please check my blog. He is not doing well.
But so far I have not binged. Have not made some of the best choices, but kept the amounts in control. My goal is to get thru today without a single binge. Sundays are the hardest.

Tatiana, I feel for you. I am trying to not succumb to depression my self. I can feel it hovering. Al we can do is hang on and keep trying and do it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other baby steps fi need be.
And no self recrimination, either.
Oh and day 6 for me, pray I get thru it. Love you all.

Tatiana - dont blame yourself for what I did..... it's my own fault. I ordered the food. I bought the drink. I ate and drank it all. Right now I just feel so hopeless. I just dont know if it's worth it anymore. I actually looked up counsellors and doctors in my area so I can get help for this. I really really want to get better. But they all cost 65-70 euro per session, and I can afford that. I have to make due with 110 euro a week, to include bills, so it doesnt go too far.

But I want to get better. I really do. I want to stop being preoccupied with food and dieting and exercise. I was so miserable yesterday. It was like a flashback to when I was a teenager. But I feel a bit better today. I'll feel better tomorrow when I get in the gym before work. And my b/f is up again tomorrow evening. And I start college tomorrow. Alot of things to look forward to.

Tatiana, all I can say is thank you so much for starting this thread. I've learnt so much since I started reading this and I've learnt to become more open and honest about my binging.... it's the only place that I can be open and honest about it. I cant tell anyone else all the details. Thank you all for being here.

Kama - I hope your doing ok girlie..... I havent read your blog about your Dad yet, but I really hope you're doing ok. Please stay strong, and please remember to look after yourself aswell. Sounds like you've great support with Ted (he reminds me alot of my b/f!) so please lean on him.. I'm sure he would only be to happy to cuddle up on the couch with you and let you unwind by pouring your heart out to him..... anything to help you de-stress.

Little Flower. You have my prayers. I could feel you pain in your blog. I do KNOW you can get better.
Thanks for your love and support. And that goes for all of you.
I too thank Tatiana for starting this thread. I had really learned about a problem I may have ignored until it was too late.
I am trying my best to get thru this day with no binge. I am gonna go workout, soon.

I know that for me bingeing is a coping mechanism for when I begin to feel overwhelmed and frightened (though of what, frequently eludes me). This behavior has very little to do with the food I actually eat and more to do with a short term attempt to make myself feel better. After I have done it I feel tired and completely demoralized, embarrassed and somehow less than. However, I don't feel that way about other people who have the same problem - for everyone who shares this affliction I have sympathy, empathy, love and total patience.

So, maybe, we should try and treat ourselves the same way we would treat a dear friend with the same problem? You would give them words of encouragment, love and most of all patience for trying to learn new behaviors to replace old destructive ones that don't work very well. Easier said than done, I know but everyone who posts on this site has helped me tremendously and I just want you to treat yourself the same way you would treat me if I had just binged.