Stephanie's Diary

Ok... so instead of blogging every single day, maybe this is a better alternative. I need somewhere to get stuff off my chest anyway.

I started a low calorie diet Monday, Sept. 21. So I'm only on day 3. I'm doing pretty good so far, but I'm not enjoying it really.

I have a hard time feeling anger and resentment towards other people when I have to go on a diet. I know it's crazy... I mean they aren't the ones that made me this way I am... but I get so frustrated and mad when I see friends and colleagues that can just eat whatever they want whenever they want .. and they are normal.

I am not normal. I have a major food addiction. I love food... any and all kinds.

I have to fight with myself every single step of the way not to eat almost all day long.

For example... I work in an office with one other girl. We have our own desks/work areas. Hers is filled with food... candy, trailmix, chips... etc etc. left over from whenever... and it just sits there. She leaves it alone.... she may take a bite every now and then of something. But me... no... I don't have anything on my side... because if I bring in anything... it gets eaten right away. It's like I have to scarf everything in site down ... can't let it sit there.

And then... going out to eat. Most people leave food on their plates... I don't. Unless I'm in terrible amounts of pain.. I feel like I have to clean my plate. I feel like such a pig!

I just want to be normal.

What the heck is wrong with me?