I need a "virtual" place where I can store all my thoughts, exercise, food intake and weightloss goals and mishaps. Figured this is the place to do it.
When I did 14 days of grazing logs, I lost 6 lbs. Once I stopped the weight loss stopped. I need a place where I hold myself 100% accountable for everything - from exercise to food to how I handle life on a daily basis. Only days I can log on are the weekends that is until we buy a home pc.

Day 104
I'm currently at 155 lbs, down from 180 a bit before April. I should be discourage the scale isn't moving in my favor but I'm forever optimistic. My bras, most don't fit, my clothes are falling off, so who cares what the scales reads. I'm getting paid tomorrow so I have money to indulge in clothes. Next week is the family visit from Utah. This is the smallest they'll see me and I can't wait.

I decided I have to eat more than 1200 calories on active days. On days I do cardio, weights and yoga, I will up it to 1400 calories. On off day I'm keeping it at 1200-1300. Equal distribution of fat, carbs and protein is another daily goa.

Food for today:
Breakfast
1 whole wheat toast w- 1 tsp organic jelly, 1/2 cup cottage cheese w/ 1tsp jelly,

Snack
1 whole nectarine
Drinks - 2 liter of water and 12 oz of green tea, and 6 oz of coffee with cream and Splenda

Lunch
Can salmon with hummus spread on whole wheat tortilla
1 liter water

Snack
.35 nonfat yogurt with 1 cup frozen berries - blue, marion and black


Dinner - no eating at 8pm
chicken breast and rice, not sure what dish to make yet but it'll be high protein and little fat

Exercise
Too tired to get the Spin class in this morning.

Depending on when we're suppose to get the car out of the impound, I will get an hour of cardio in and yoga.


Tomorrow's goal:
Morning
1 hour 5:30am lift class, 20 min. yoga
Afternoon
1 hour tkb and 1 hour yoga

7/15/08

WORKOUT LOG FOR JULY
1. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min.yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
2. OFF Day
3. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min. Yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
4. 25 min. run, 1 hour yoga
5. OFF Day - but swam/wade/run in pool for 45 min.
6. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour upper body on my own, 1 hour yoga
7. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
8. 1 hr power sculpt (strength), 20 min. yoga, 1 hour kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
9. Off
10. Morning workout 1hr & 15min of weights, 15 min yoga, afternoon is 1 hour cardio - TBD
11. 5:45am kickboxing, 25 min. morning yoga, 25 min. stairmaster, 1 hour yoga
12. 10am kickboxing class
13. 8 am kickboxing class, 25 min. yoga
14. OFF DAY
15. 5:30am class-1:10 Hours of upper and lower body, 15 min. stationary bike, Afternoon kickboxing and yoga



After spending the afternoon at CHP and the towing yard, I did not feel like leaving the house for the gym. Hey, need an off day. Rodney and I chilled at home with movie and dinner. I BBQ'd my chicken breast for today; can't wait for lunch.

Last night I ate pretty good. Only had 1/2 of Rodney's muffin, 1 bowl of fried rice, 2 oz chicken breast and watermelon for dessert. So glad I saved enough calorie for nightime eating.

So this morning at 4:55am, got my butt out the gym and right to my 5:30am Lift class because I'm skipping Sculpt until Linda is back from rehab. Because I had time, I went and did interval training with upper body and 15 min. of the bike.

This afternoon it's off early from work so I can get my 4:30 kickboxing and then yoga class in to close off the day.

I have to eat more calories today - about 1400. So far I planned around 700 for morning, snacks and lunch. That gives me 'bout 700 for dinner.

Breakfast, 1 whole wheat toast with cream cheese and organic jelly, 1/2 cup nonfat yogurt with 1/2 cup blueberry, marionberry and blackberries. Will probably snack on baby carrots. I already downed 1 lit of water, with 1 lit waiting.

Lunch is 1/2 chicken breast meat on whole wheat tortilla with 2 tablespoon of pine nut hummus. Snack is watermelon and the rest of my yogurt concoction.

Dinner will be salmon with veggies and rice, and whatever else mom is making me. Fruit will be my dessert.

I'm not focusing on the scale anymore. Will only weigh in on Friday for the challenge. Even though it moves slower then molasses, my clothes tells me a different story. Nothing fits anymore. Today Rod and I are going clothes shopping. I know I'm a medium now 7/9 so I'm at goal in terms of size.

7/16/08

1. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min.yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
2. OFF Day
3. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min. Yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
4. 25 min. run, 1 hour yoga
5. OFF Day - but swam/wade/run in pool for 45 min.
6. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour upper body on my own, 1 hour yoga
7. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
8. 1 hr power sculpt (strength), 20 min. yoga, 1 hour kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
9. Off
10. Morning workout 1hr & 15min of weights, 15 min yoga, afternoon is 1 hour cardio - TBD
11. 5:45am kickboxing, 25 min. morning yoga, 25 min. stairmaster, 1 hour yoga
12. 10am kickboxing class
13. 8 am kickboxing class, 25 min. yoga
14. OFF DAY
15. 5:30am class-1:10 Hours of upper and lower body, 15 min. stationary bike, Afternoon kickboxing and yoga
16. 1 hr cardio - most likely kickboxing or spin and 20 min. on the stairmaster, 15 min. yoga

7/17/08


1. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min.yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
2. OFF Day
3. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min. Yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
4. 25 min. run, 1 hour yoga
5. OFF Day - but swam/wade/run in pool for 45 min.
6. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour upper body on my own, 1 hour yoga
7. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
8. 1 hr power sculpt (strength), 20 min. yoga, 1 hour kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
9. Off
10. Morning workout 1hr & 15min of weights, 15 min yoga, afternoon is 1 hour cardio - TBD
11. 5:45am kickboxing, 25 min. morning yoga, 25 min. stairmaster, 1 hour yoga
12. 10am kickboxing class
13. 8 am kickboxing class, 25 min. yoga
14. OFF DAY
15. 5:30am class-1:10 Hours of upper and lower body, 15 min. stationary bike, Afternoon kickboxing and yoga
16. OFF DAY
17. 1 hr Lift class, 1 hr Kickboxing, have time to do some walking before my lift class so I may get in an easy 30 min.

I have my food planned out for the whole day. I realize I may have too much set up for dinner. I think I can use the calories elsewhere because my last class, kickboxing is at 6:30 - meaning I have to eat my last meal at 8pm. Hmmmm

Damn, I didn't get up this morning for an early session. It sucks that Lynda is still gone and that sub is on again. I don't like her routine. I decided to opt out of the 6am kickboxing class because I didn't feel like driving to UCI to take the class then drive back to work. Too much work. Tonight they have a 5:30 lift class and a 6:30 kickboxing I will certainly take. Even though it's Cat's class and she love the Turbos - I will do as many as I feel fit. Please oh please, no turbos right after warm-up.

I give in. I am not eating enough. For the last almost two months I've kept my calorie intake around 1200. It's not enough as I'm really active.

I will continue to eat more - healthy food that is. I will keep it betwenn 1400-1500 calories on most days.

July workout tally as of the 18th:
1. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min.yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
2. OFF Day
3. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min. Yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
4. 25 min. run, 1 hour yoga
5. OFF Day - but swam/wade/run in pool for 45 min.
6. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour upper body on my own, 1 hour yoga
7. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
8. 1 hr power sculpt (strength), 20 min. yoga, 1 hour kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
9. Off
10. Morning workout 1hr & 15min of weights, 15 min yoga, afternoon is 1 hour cardio - TBD
11. 5:45am kickboxing, 25 min. morning yoga, 25 min. stairmaster, 1 hour yoga
12. 10am kickboxing class
13. 8 am kickboxing class, 25 min. yoga
14. OFF DAY
15. 5:30am class-1:10 Hours of upper and lower body, 15 min. stationary bike, Afternoon kickboxing and yoga
16. OFF DAY
17. 1 hr Lift class, 1 hr Kickboxing
18. 5:45am 1 hr kickboxing, 5:30pm 1 hr kickboxing

I plan on working out on Saturday and Sunday. Kickboxing is in there but I'm opting to do weights on Sun. instead of Saturday.

I have not lost weight in 2 weeks. I'm not too discourage. All I can do is continue with my eating pattern and exercise. Sooner or later it will bust.

I've been sleepy all day even with an hour of cardio this morning. I hate PMS. It takes a toll on me emotionally and physically. I hope for a 1 lb weightloss next week.

New goal is to lose 1 lb a week consistantly. By December I will reach bye the first week of December.

7/21/08

July exercise tally
1. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min.yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
2. OFF Day
3. 1 hr Power Sculpt, 15min. Yoga, 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hr yoga
4. 25 min. run, 1 hour yoga
5. OFF Day - but swam/wade/run in pool for 45 min.
6. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour upper body on my own, 1 hour yoga
7. 1 hr kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
8. 1 hr power sculpt (strength), 20 min. yoga, 1 hour kickboxing, 1 hour yoga
9. Off
10. Morning workout 1hr & 15min of weights, 15 min yoga, afternoon is 1 hour cardio - TBD
11. 5:45am kickboxing, 25 min. morning yoga, 25 min. stairmaster, 1 hour yoga
12. 10am kickboxing class
13. 8 am kickboxing class, 25 min. yoga
14. OFF DAY
15. 5:30am class-1:10 Hours of upper and lower body, 15 min. stationary bike, Afternoon kickboxing and yoga
16. OFF DAY
17. 1 hr Lift class, 1 hr Kickboxing
18. 5:45am 1 hr kickboxing, 5:30pm 1 hr kickboxing
19. OFF DAY
20. OFF DAY
21. 6am 20 min. stairclimber, 40 min. elliptical. 5:30pm 1 hr kickbox and 1 hr yoga

I don't know what's wrong with me. I am depressed and nothing is helping - the exercise, conversations with Rodney....I've been in this state of mind since last week. I need to shake it and get back to being optimistic, positive about life, about weightloss, about everything. I know I'm PMS'ing but this is the first time I've been depressed in a while.

2nd week I've maintained. I don't know why I've plateaued but I'm tweaking everything to overcome.

Goals
-DON'T LOSE FOCUS AND DON'T GIVE UP. A part of me wants to throw in the towel and say screw it. I'm burned out on trying to eat right. Exercising is easy, it's the constant need to account for everything I eat that is getting the best of me.
-Eating 1300 to 1500 on days I workout, like today with 3 classes or more????????. Eat 1200 on off days.
-Drink a cup of cranberry juice a day but I don't like the fact it has 30 gms of carbs per serving.
-Eat protein and carbs in the morning. Only carb I'll eat at night is a cup of rice with my chicken.
-Eat more veggies
-Exercise every morning. I've been skipping a few morning workouts the last two weeks because I've been lazy; although I did take afternoon classes I always felt guilty.
-Give 100% of myself

Truth be told I don't know if I can do this, do anything right anymore. It's my living situation that is draining me to bits. We're getting out own place and all but a part of me is sooooo sad and feel sooo guilty about leaving. I feel like a failure to leave my mom behind for my brother to take care of her. I feel like I failed as the eldest daughter. But as Rodney pointed out I've lived in a state of pschological abuse and emotional abuse by my own mom. I deserve to live in harmony, in peace and to cut all the drama out. I can't save anyone if I can't save myself. My mom uses fear, intimidation, guilt, control to keep her children close. I am an adult, but with her I feel like I'm 5. I love them all, my brothers and my mom, but I have to let go and move on to do my own thing and make it on my own. But I can't live with all the stress, the burden of taking care of grown ass adults who is taking complete advantage of me and shows 0 respect. For too long my mom dominated my life and I have to break free. I'm just rambling now. Gotta stop.

This is the first time since April that I considered quitting Buddyslim and hide in my safe shell again. My shell is safe and noone can hurt, emotionally, physically, and mentally.