I am starting this thread to share good clean fun.

Have you heard a good one lately? Maybe found one online, or have your own true funny bone? Let's hear it!


Funny Pictures, Jokes, Riddles and Funny Stories are welcome here.

*Please use good judgement when posting.
Hurt feelings are not funny!

1.* WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
*He received a $26 million dollar severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2.* WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting
"Please come out and give yourself up."

3.* WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself, for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5.* DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles, had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted,
"That's not what I said!"

6.* ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!".
"Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted,
"This is her husband!".

7.* NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted in to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER ... THIS IS TRUE ...
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

Stumpy and His Wife
	Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Good idea Sissy!

	Just Keep Drinking!
	A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, “Quick pour me twelve drinks.” So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, “Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast.” The guys says, “Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I''ve got.” The bartender says, “What''ve you got?” The guy says, “75 cents.”

Riddles
1) Forward I'm heavy, backwards I'm not. What am I?

2) An archeologist claims he found some gold coins dated 46 B.C. Do you believe him?

3) How many birthdays does the average man have?

4) If you had one match and entered a room in which there were a kerosene lamp, an oil burner, and a wood burning stove, which would you light first?

5) A clerk in a butcher's shop is five foot ten. What does he weigh?

* I will return with the answers later!

Originally Posted by Tasha

LOL I think I know that guy!

Maybe I know him too!

Any guesses on the riddles?

Um, let me look them over again.