Whoof da!!! that's a relief!! all done now!! You know all of my dirty little secrets!!

I've been sitting here reading everyone's bios; some of them took my breath away because of situations that life has thrown in front of them. But each of you has climbed over those hurdles, and each one has made you stronger. God bless each of you!

I guess I was very fortunate to have had a wonderful childhood. I was born the third of three daughters, and at the time, my Dad wanted a boy, so he was a little disappointed. You can believe my Mom got roses when my little brother was born 15 months later! Still, I became "Daddy's little girl" and was actually more like a little boy growing up than a little girl, and cherished the time that my Dad taught me how to spot wildlife that was blended into the trees, how to spot a rainbow trout hiding in the shadow of a big rock in the creek, how to peel pulp (stripping bark off a tree) for the loggers...I could go on and on.

I grew up in the Blue Hills in Wisconsin, and looking back, we didn't have much money. But my Mom and Dad spent so much time with us doing things, like fishing every weekend during the summer, an annual trip to Canada to my aunt and uncles resort, trips to the rodeo or the fair or the mardi gras...to this day, "time" is much more precious to me than money. I grew up playing outdoors with my pets or walking in the woods or waiting for the temperature to hit 65 degrees so we could go swimming in the big hole in the creek about 2 miles down the road...after we chased the cows out of the hole....ewwwww! I remember loving the spring when the snow was melting and I could build little boats and float them along the ditch by the road...I remember the snow being so deep we could jump from the hayloft in the barn. I know, my experiences are lots different from some of the bios I've been reading...and a world away from the ones who grew up in the city.

I was a cheerleader in junior high and high school, and a drum majorette for the band...always loved the boys but my cousin was always the pretty one that the boys gravitated first. I always thought I was the "fat" cousin...at 118 pounds! Anyway, cheeleader married football player...not because I was ready for marriage or because I was really in love, but everyone else was getting married! Bill enlisted in the Air Force during the Vietnam War when they were calling numbers and he was going to be drafted into the Army.

Moving out to California for our first duty station was a real shocker for this country girl, but it forced us to become a real couple and while we were out there had our two babies. We eventually moved to Omaha, Wichita, then had a tour in Germany for three years. Back to Omaha, where Bill decided to go to officers training school and become an officer. He was gone to training for about a year and during that time, I grew up and we grew apart and were never able to figure out how to put it back together again. We moved to Alaska with his job in the Air Force but divorced after 18 1/2 years of marriage. I stayed there for about 16 years, and that's where our kids met their spouses and had their babies.

Husband #2 (Rick) was someone I'd met at work, and after living together a couple of years, I realized his real nature (controlling and abusive)...but for those of you who have been in a relationship like that, it isn't easy to get out. I eventually relented and married him...worked the morning of our wedding day, crying all morning because I didn't want to get married...married him anyway. Things didn't get better as he promised...they got worse. After being thrown over the couch, being physically restrained, having a gun pointed at me, and watching myself grow from a fun loving woman to a scared and angry one, I resigned myself to figuring I would never have the courage to leave him.

However, after being married to him for about 5 years, I rushed back to Wisconsin because my father had a heart attack. He survived surgery and when we got him home from the hospital, I called to tell Rick that I was spending another week in Wisconsin with my Dad. He demanded I fly home immediately because HE needed me home. Something snapped inside me and I realized then that I had to get out of that relationship. The day before I returned to Alaska, I ran into an old high school sweetheart (Ron)...he's actually my first husband's first cousin (small town!). Ron took me out to lunch and I told him what was going on in my life. When I returned to Alaska, Ron kept in touch with me and was the one that was my "rock", giving me the courage to be able to get out of that abusive relationship. I even contacted the women's crisis center and they had me fill out these continuums that showed the progression of three types of abuse (physical, mental, and sexual). Each continuum showed progressive behavior of someone like him...all of the contiuums ended in suicide/homicide. As I filled out each of these three forms, I realized that Rick's behavior had escalated to the point that suicide/homicide was the very next "step" on all three. I knew I had to leave, and knew I didn't dare tell him or I was convinced he would kill me and then kill himself. To leave, I planned it all out, woke up one morning and told Rick that I had to head to work early...I went by my daughter's house and got my suitcase, got on a plane, and left Alaska and Rick. Sure enough, he attempted suicide a short time later and tried to use that as a means to pull me back home. It didn't work.

Everything happens for a reason, and God put Rick there to help me move to the next phase in my life. Jump to where I am now, I'm engaged to my old high school sweetheart...have been for 8 years so I've realized he has no intention of getting married. Used to bother me, doesn't anymore. I'm fortunate enough to have a terrific career where I travel full-time, mostly out to DC, and then I'm home (in Wisconsin) on the weekends. I love the travel, I love my job, and I love living in a little town in Wisconsin and being able to travel to the big cities during the week. I can be home on the weekends to spend time with my fiance and help my elderly parents.

My son and daughter still live in Alaska and its difficult being so far away from them and my six grandchildren. But with all the traveling that I do with my job, I'm able to build up mileage and get up there twice a year to spend time with them.

My weight...I thought I was "fat" in high school at 118 pounds. After getting married, I got "clear up to" 130 pounds, joined Weight Watchers and got down to 108. I went back and forth between those weights over the years, until I was married to Rick...the stress of being in a relationship like that made my weight soar to 170 pounds. I took the weight off when I moved back to Wisconsin, and then when my Dad had his second open heart surgery four years ago, he almost died. I spent six weeks in the hospital by his side, working off my laptop computer for my job. I "unlearned" all the good eating and exercising habits I'd built up. I gained one pound, one became two, two became five, five became ten...and I kept saying "at least I don't weigh as much as I did before". Then one day I stepped on the scale and I was back to 170, and then inched up to 175 before I said enough is enough. I went to a weight doctor who discounted my excuses, got me on a good program that I could maintain for the rest of my life because it's simply healthy eating, and watching portion control, and eating the "right" kind of calories. The weight has come off amazingly...and continues to come off.

I'm so blessed...I have both of my parents yet, even though their health isn't good. I have two wonderful kids and six beautiful grandkids. I have a terrific job that pays well and allows me to travel. I've found out that I don't have to be out of shape just because I'm 56 years old...I can be healthy and feel good about how I look.

And if someday my fiance decides he wants to marry me, my first husband will become my "cousin", which would make him "second cousin" to our kids, so my first husbands second wife would be my kid's second-cousin-by-marriage stepmother...or something like that. It gets too confusing, so maybe it is better if we don't get married!

Anyway, I hope my bio was light reading (most of it anyway)....and thanks for all of you sharing your bios.

Ok so I think it's time to open up a bit to all of ye Rockstars and give ye an insight as to where I've come from. Some of ye may have read some of this before in one of my earlier blogs, but.... anyway... here it goes.

I'm the eldest of 4 girls, born in Tralee in Co. Kerry. My Dad always treated me as a boy, so I grew up playing hurling, football, climbing trees. I was always big into sports and played as much as I could. But I was also pretty sick as a kid so I couldnt do too much. Thanks to recurrent throat infections that would stink out my house, I was always skinny... until I had my tonsils out when I was 4 and discovered the that food didnt taste of.... well... the way it tasted. I also developed some kidney problems around that time, so I was put on steroids for about 6 years.

Anyhew, because I started to love my food, I started to eat... alot! My earliest memory of having an eating problem, is one given to me by my Mom. She used to remind me when I was younger, that she caught me stuffing my face with an entire blackforest gateaux (which she was saving for visitors) when I was about 3 or 4. After then, she would catch me sleep walking and eating rakes of food out of the press and the fridge. She then put child locks on all the presses, on the fridge and the freezer so I couldnt get at the food…. it didnt work… I was a strong young one and I just forced the fridge open and figured out the latch on the presses!

Next memory was a birthday party when I was about 10. I gorged myself so badly that Dad had to hold me over the bath while I vomitted. After that, Mom put me on my 1st diet… watching everything I ate like a hawk. Weighing me every Saturday morning at the bottom of the hall. Giving out to me when I gained weight or didnt record a loss. She never called me “fat” (that I can remember)…. but actions certainly do speak volumes to a 10 year old. Looking back on it now, I was still on steroids, had a big moon face, and it was tough to physically see any weight loss or any toning up at that stage.

Ok… from that moment on I yo-yo’d like a mad one. I’d eat secretly, by myself. I wouldnt eat when we we’re out. I grew up in a very small community. Mom told all her friends that I was on a diet… word got around very quickly that the fattest kid in Cappa was trying to lose weight. People would stop in their cars when they saw me out walking to ask how my weightloss was going. I found it embarressing. Mortifying when some people actually said “yes, you could do with losing alot of weight”. So as a result, I avoided eating out. I became paranoid. I became introverted. I became obsessed.

1st time I severly restricted food, I was in my teens and I lasted about 2 weeks living off apples and salad. I started diarying my thoughts. I recently read through some of those diaries and what was going on then…. disturbing. I can remember wishing I could make myself throw up after eating, because I thought it was easier than what I was going through… but a phobia of vomit stopped me. I started running in the morning, and going for an hour walk after school. I did karate twice a week. The running in the morning had to stop because Mom told me that people had seen me running, and she didnt want that… can you believe that?!

College - 2nd year - I became bulimic. Not the vomit kind (remember… fear of puke). I would eat and eat and eat… and then go to the gym for 2 hours to sweat out the calories. I also started taewon-do and went to 6 classes a week, as well as my gym. As a result, I was able to binge all I wanted and still maintain my heavy weight. I didnt lose any weight.

College - 4th year - I got selected for the Irish team. Started training 7 days a week. Started to feel a bit of pressure to lose weight. I had to get into a lower weight division because of my height. I started taking laxitives 2 days before a competition weigh in to make the weight.

Post College - for the past 3 years since I left college, I have swung between full blown not eating, and laxitives. My weight has slowly dropped from 182lbs to 154lbs… which was what I was at when I was selected for the taekwon-do Worlds… and then asked to drop below 61kg (that’s 134lbs) in 2 months to make a weight category. I did it. It was tough. It was awful. Living off banana’s, nuts and salad for 2 months. Laxitive abuse before my weekly national weigh in to make sure I was on track. At the Worlds, I didnt eat or drink for a day and half before the official weigh in to make my weight (which I did).

After the Worlds, the constant working out and poor diet got the best of me. My body decided it didnt like what I’d put it through for the past 7 years. My legs hurt so bad, I could barely walk. I had to stop training for 3 months, and regained all the weight I’d lost during the summer.

March 2008 is when a google search literally saved my life. I found Buddyslim.

Since March, I have binged, but I'm getting better at recognising triggers and picking myself up after it. My whole outlook on life has changed. I've changed jobs, enrolled in a college course that I want to do, not one that others feel I should do. I'm more grateful for the life I have, for the wonderful boyfriend that loves me for me, regardless of how much I way. Thanks to blogging, I've found the strength to forgive my Mom (which she cant understand how I could forgive her), and we're slowly rebuilding our relationship. I'm happier in my own skin. I'm looking forward to my future, which is something I have never done before.

So that's my story in a nut shell.

Originally Posted by Tammy

Whoof da!!! that's a relief!! all done now!! You know all of my dirty little secrets!!

Tammy, I think for the first time in a long time I am truly speachless and have been very touched by your comfortability in sharing such a personal story. I commend your courage and honesty to put such a personal bio on here. I am truly impressed by your honesty.

Originally Posted by 14707

Anyway, I hope my bio was light reading (most of it anyway)....and thanks for all of you sharing your bios.

Debbie...

Another great bio. I am glad to see the resurgence of this bio thread. It makes me happy to get to know our Rockstar Buddies on such a personal level. You have lead quite an interesting life and have lived in some really interesting places. I have always wanted to visit Alaska. I hear it's beautiful and one day, want to find out for myself.

Originally Posted by 16537

March 2008 is when a google search literally saved my life. I found Buddyslim.

Since March, I have binged, but I'm getting better at recognising triggers and picking myself up after it. My whole outlook on life has changed. I've changed jobs, enrolled in a college course that I want to do, not one that others feel I should do. I'm more grateful for the life I have, for the wonderful boyfriend that loves me for me, regardless of how much I way. Thanks to blogging, I've found the strength to forgive my Mom (which she cant understand how I could forgive her), and we're slowly rebuilding our relationship. I'm happier in my own skin. I'm looking forward to my future, which is something I have never done before.

So that's my story in a nut shell.

Little Flower...Another wonderful and personal bio! Thank you for sharing your personal story with us here. I feel blessed to be a part of this community because of the fact I now have friends all over the world who inspire me on a daily basis.

And now from the book of the life and times of Blade:

I was born in october of 1980. I have an older brother and a younger sister...MIDDLE CHILD HEEEYA. But its ok, i have handled it. The thing that stands out from childhood is moving around ALOT. I went to nine (9) different elementary schools: 8 in the great state of Michigan and 1 in Arizona (more on that in a minute). It was fun but i have no "lifelong friends" since i would be in a school...then POOF gone to another. I did have one friend who i went to a two week summer camp with. Two days into it i got a letter from my parents saying that i won a free day at the local water park, and oh yeah we are moving to Arizona.....we left at the end of the week and watched the 60's version of Batman that his mom taped for us BAM! WOP! OOFF!
The "trip" to arizona lasted 6 months, then back to Michigan...didnt even see the grand canyon.
Fast forward to middle and high school...well not much there. Still moving alot (this time we move to motels and efficiencies) and i got my first job as at a flower shop my cousin owned.....as....a mascot...I got to stand on the curb and wave to cars in a PINK gorilla suit.. YAY!
During high school i got into music alot. Listened to alot of punk music and Kiss (even saw them on the kickoff to the reunion tour in Tiger Stadium WOOP). I had a band in school and we played one show. I have the DVD. But during auditions for the next show, my band decided to get drunk and high and missed the audition...left me standing there. NOT COOL.
A week before graduation i had to throw out a drunk that had been living with us for about 7 years...the final straw was when he almost burned our house down again cause he fell asleep with a cigarette. And no one else in the family would kick him out....Blade did.
Oh were to go from here...so much to write so little patience to do it.
I became a season ticket holder for the Grand Rapids Griffins in their second year and decided to be the LOUD ROWDY FAN...and i was. I painted a hockey mask, brought a big flag and lead the cheers. True story i had a sell out crowd of 10,834 all yelling "THESE REFS SUCK" due to some very bad calls...the ref wouldnt leave without security around him...and i was in the upper bowl
Next in 2001 i met Amy We met during a chance meeting online, just happened to be in the same chat room. She said "Hey someone talk to me" I replied...so did 15 others. But she stuck it out with me. She lived 2 hours away from me and i met her when i had to take my sister and cousin and mom to a backstreet boys concert....I DID NOT...i repeat DID NOT go into that show...me and amy went out for pizza.

2004 i get married.

Now for the reason im here. I hit 300 lbs. Weight is an issue in my family, but we take it in stride and always make "fat jokes" to each other. It seemed to make it ok to be fat. Plus when we didnt have much money it sucked, so when we did...WE ATE. Old county buffet, pizza buffet...do you see a trend.
But cant go on like that forever. i see how the weight is affecting my fathers quality of life. He can barely walk, doesnt go anywhere..and feels like a burden to go places with people. Plus he has alot wrong with him, medically. I DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE. it scares the S out of me. So Amy joined this site, told me to....i did..Best decision ive made in awhile.

Friends are not something i have alot of. In fact i can count em on one hand. But since joining here i think i need additional hands because im always getting boosted and helped and talked to. This is awesome to me. Thanks.

...i know i missed alot. So there could be other editions

Wow o wow guys!! these are incredible. the honesty and openness is so touching. it makes me kind of feel bad i didn't open up much in mine. all in good time i guess :-)

thank you so much for your sharing, you are all truly amazing

Originally Posted by 15247

Tammy, I think for the first time in a long time I am truly speachless and have been very touched by your comfortability in sharing such a personal story. I commend your courage and honesty to put such a personal bio on here. I am truly impressed by your honesty.

Thank you Josh!

I was a bit nervous to be so honest but I faced my greatest fear. If I can ever help someone with my experiences I would want to. All of our lives are so different. You had a wonderful idea with the Bio's. I know I have grown a bit from being here! Your dedication to the team is AWESOME!!!

Wow...so many different lives. We are all so lucky we have each other...to motivate us and help us through our tough times. Thank you all for being here for me. Much love to you all!!!