Well, I took both my kids to Disney & CA Adventure yesterday. We were there from 8am-10pm! We had a great time! We brought snacks and ate from the backpack the entire day.

Okay, onto the matter at hand.

First, welcome Rachel, you're in the right place.

Kama and Debbie - My top weight when pregnant w/ my daughter was 225. Before that, my top weight was probably 190. It's all been trial or error for me over the years. For many years, I fluctuated between 150-165. I would generally take a day off, but I think what started happening is the off days got worse, which meant the 'on or clean' days had to get better to offset the one off day. After restricting myself for 6 days, holding my breath, by the time that 'off' day came I was ready to exhale, binge.
This worked for awhile and I was able to maintain my weight.

About 2 years ago, I got down from 151 to 130. I've been staying between 130 and 135 until May. I started struggling. What was working for me stopped. I found that I could no longer eat the same 'clean' things 6 days a week. There'd be an occassion, or a vacation, or a I don't have the energy to fight it day. Too many of these things and my weight was up to 137. This morning it was 139. I am once again, changing my workouts, my food, searching for guidance, and trying to focus more on God and His word.

I would love to say I have the magic formula, and for the last 2 years I thought I did, BUT the gopher is back!!! This is a speed bump, and through the struggles and depression of the past months I've gained much more than weight, which I have total faith will come off.

I've gained:
The support system here, which I wouldn't have found had I not been struggling, because I'm here to tell you it does not end when you reach your goal.

I've given up Splenda, which I knew I needed to do, but wasn't willing.

I've changed my workouts to incorporate strength/circuit

and when I get over this speed bump, I am expecting to be in God's favor, and be better off than I was before.


If I am not in pain, I don't change.

The way that I'm looking at this is I'm not in fear about gaining all the weight back. I am looking for the way that I am supposed to be living, and maybe, just maybe, it is for me to get the focus off of food and myself and onto God and others. When I have this one day off with the food, I think about it the entire week. I would look forward to this or that. It was a hangon mentality.
I have to train myself at 44 to find joy in something other than eating, because unlike a day at Disney with your kids, the flip side of bingeing is pain.

Today, if someone asked me what would you like to do today it would be eat and watch tv or eat and read. That is sad. It's not knit, take a walk, go to the beach, play with my kids, paint, read, etc. I don't have any hobbies that I enjoy or look forward to. I do them, but I don't get real joy or release. I feel like there's a whole inside of me and I keep trying to fill it up with food. What's been coming to my mind a lot lately, is the only thing that's going to fill it up is God.