Well, I woke up this morning with a binge-over... survived most of the morning on coffee with soy milk... around 11 I had an egg and 2 slices of bacon... NOW my body claims that I'm "starving", yeah, right, when 1/2 hour ago the meer THOUGHT of food made me cringe... so I'm going to have some water and take my vitamins...

My goal is to not binge between now and lunch, then my goal will be to not binge between lunch and dinner, then my goal will be to not eat after dinner unless I'm really, truly, physically hungry, then have a Fiber-One bar with lots of water. That's for today, which will be day 1...

I have given more thought to the reasons and feelings of the binge... yesterday my stomach hurt, so I fed it some more... makes no sense... If I had a pain elsewhere... I would NOT repeat the action that caused the pain.

I was force fed as a child, I could not leave the table until my plate was empty... more food than my teenagers eat at a sitting... As I was cooking dinner, I looked at the 9 chicken breast tenders I was cooking, trying to imagine why I would even consider putting them all on one plate and placing them, with side-dishes, in front of a 4 year old... Sadistic? Ignorant? Insane? I didn't really come up with anything, but... I do know that I need to serve myself what I would serve my kids... and if they said they weren't hungry... they wouldn't HAVE TO eat... I need to be nicer to me. I have bad habits from being force-fed... I know that the faster I eat, the more I can eat... and after years of that... I eat FAST! I need to slow down, I'm grown-up now and NO ONE can force me to eat (well except me, and I need to quit that).

Thanks for listening... I never tell anyone else about my childhood eating...