Tina, welcome. I will be waiting for your posts here.

Debbie, letting out imperfect things sometimes means letting out fears and becoming free.

Well, I have not been eating enough. Yesterday was a busy and lovely day and I got home feeling not hungry at all. But this morning I feel weak. IT's another side of the binge eating cycle - restricting food. I have to be aware of that.

One more thing that happened: my nephew is coming to visit tomorrow and I bought a chocolate cake (for him?!!! lier, lier, pants on fire, it was the old trick I played for many years buying sweets "for my son" and then eating them in secret).

So it's done, the cake is in the house. My nephew wouldn't care if he did not have the cake. How on Earth did this old pattern of lying come to life? Again? And when I was so sure that I wouldn't go back?!!!

What to do? I think about the cake. I think about it right now. I used to eat one cake almost at once during binges.

It's really helping to write about it honestly. When I worked with alcoholics, we used to say that relapse, the drinking, doesn't happen suddenly. It's the old behaviors and thoughts that come first. Thinking about alcohol, convincing yourself that it's okay to think about it, then going to the places where alcohol is served... and only after making it okay mentally the actual, physical drinking starts. The same thing happened to me yesterday. All so familiar.

Today I have learned that the binge attack may come very subtle... I have to be ready to track this and stop these thoughts and behaviors as soon as they begin.